he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
