i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
