There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
where are my eyebrows?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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