Your tits are I can't wait for
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
