this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
