I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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