we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need moral support for this bender
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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