If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
