allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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