I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
