Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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