If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
