We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
