Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
