did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
