if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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