oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
