Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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