I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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