I can text with my tongue
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
