i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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