I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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