Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
