I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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