So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
