Where is the hickey?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My ATM looks so different sober.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
