i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
