Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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