i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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