Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
