I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
