you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
