Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
