I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
