onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
