I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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