So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
