went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
