Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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