Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
