i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
