just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
