so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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