she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dear god my vagina.
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