I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
