i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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