I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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