he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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