There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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