It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
