Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
