I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
