i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
