I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
