My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
